Thursday, June 22, 2023

How to lower base-line anxiety


 

These days it seems like more people are struggling than ever before. Even people who are financially stable and all that. The sort of struggle that I’m getting at here is more like a storm that rages on the inside. And it’s sort of a taboo to really talk about this, but there are just so many people these days who can’t exactly put their finger on the why-------. I’ll try.

It’s the feeling of being stressed. The sort of feeling that always seems to stick around, and rear its head when most inconvenient. It’s the feeling of that beyond what can be considered to be ‘reasonable’. It’s the feeling of not ‘wanting’ to do things. It’s the feeling of sometimes wanting to not go out and do anything at all. It’s all of those things.

Let’s jump back in time, and tell me if this is true. When you were a kid you never had this. You were just cheerful and in the moment. There was excitement, but no stress. There was wonder, and awe. There was high pitch energy. Sometimes there were scares and fears----of monsters in the dark. And you know the secret: all of that is still there. It’s just covered under a layer of many years.

So what has changed since you were a young kid? Is unmitigated excitement, happiness and energy just something of bygone days? Is it reasonable that a large chunk of it has just been replaced by a baseline stress that runs like a dark undercurrent? Is this just maturation? Is this to be expected?

Let’s rewind. Happiness, energy, kid. Everyone knows that we are all shaped by our surroundings. Family. School. Friends. And to a lesser extent by society. What if the impact of the last one is way larger than you initially think: and then not just values and norms about behavior, in their most basic forms. What if you can somehow tweak this to your benefit, in such a way that the dark undercurrent practically disappears?

Lets zoom out, and remove some of those behavioral norms that we have lived by after being a young kid. Most likely you started ingesting caffeinated coffee, you started ingesting alcohol in various forms, you started doing high intensity sports to level yourself out and to feel good.

So started experimenting about a decade ago: I switched to decaf in the morning, utilizing caffeine only to dodge the dip in the afternoon. I cut back on alcohol to only the weekends, which helped a great deal. Then a few months ago I switched to only sporadic use. I also cut back on high intensity sports, only once a week. I added strength training to boost testosterone. All of that lowered my baseline stress, and increased my overall energy.

The science behind all of this seems to be trickling in, but to me there’s the bigger logic of going back to some of the lifestyle from when I was a kid. And I think this is an easy enough strategy that works well enough for most enough: when stuck, go back to earlier parts of your life and figure out what was working better back then.

It helped me a great deal, and with most of these things: I wish I started this life-style adjustment much sooner.

 

Thursday, June 15, 2023

Get more results by doing less.



What if I told you about a way to get better results, and it involves doing less? In fact, it involves doing nothing--------at least for a while. This, in so many words, is the art of not forcing: it comes down to giving things more time to get insights, ideas, inspiration and clarity------and to make the right decision when you find yourself in the middle of a crossroad.

It is tied to this expression that you must know as well: time will tell. It’s another one of my favorites. We all know this from experience: initially things look one way, but then over time it looks like something totally different. And it applies as wide as the art of not forcing: a person whom you just met, a job opportunity, a career path, a place to live and even more everyday things like clothes, books, series, movies and computer games.

I wish I had known about the art of not forcing when I was younger, because there are so many examples from my past where I have thought back and was like: if only I gave it some more time. It will not only help you to not make the wrong the decision, but it also ties in to something that’s very practical: it will keep you from wasting time and money on things that are not important. 

That’s why I would suggest that giving things time is an essential part of the art of not forcing. And it gets even better than that. Have you ever had this feeling for a longer period of time where you were like: if I only met someone. And then as soon as you let go of that feeling, when you started focusing more on yourself and having a good time--------that’s when you finally meet someone really interesting. 

That’s also the art of not forcing. Because if you try too hard, then you become an artificial version of yourself. And this is just something that people pick up on. They might not be able to say what exactly doesn’t seem right, but the most that they will be able to say is something like “something seems off”, or “this ain’t real”, or the blunt one “this ain’t natural”. 

The art of not forcing doesn’t mean that you should stop trying to get better every day. It means that you try to find that delicate balance where you try to get better each and every day, but where you don’t try so hard that you stretch yourself out too thin. It’s like this French cheese where you need to have a good thick layer in order to experience the full flavor. And meeting someone in a romantic way is just a small part of all this. 

You will meet more interesting people in general, you will come across opportunities and life will become way richer because of that. And when you have mastered the art of not forcing, you need to lean in on the ability to recognize opportunities when they come along. 

Where it comes to opportunities, I always keep this in the back of my mind: they will come by, there will be a few people who talk about it and there’s a short window where you can act on it. I’m not necessarily referring to the people close around you, but in order to recognize the really big opportunities you will need to go online. Follow different folks. Figure out who is real from who is not. And you will need to keep in the back of your mind that most people have not mastered the art of not forcing, so those people will not have millions of views, but it will be in the tens, the hundreds or a few thousand. And you might be one of those people, because you have it in your hands whether you will master the art of not forcing.
I wish I had known about the art of not forcing when I was younger, because there are so many examples from my past where I have thought back and was like: if only I gave it some more time. It will not only help you to not make the wrong the decision, but it also ties in to something that’s very practical: it will keep you from wasting time and money on things that are not important. That’s why I would suggest that giving things time is an essential part of the art of not forcing. And it gets even better than that. Have you ever had this feeling for a longer period of time where you were like: if I only met someone. And then as soon as you let go of that feeling, when you started focusing more on yourself and having a good time--------that’s when you finally meet someone really interesting. That’s also the art of not forcing. Because if you try too hard, then you become an artificial version of yourself. And this is just something that people pick up on. They might not be able to say what exactly doesn’t seem right, but the most that they will be able to say is something like “something seems off”, or “this ain’t real”, or the blunt one “this ain’t natural”. The art of not forcing doesn’t mean that you should stop trying to get better every day. It means that you try to find that delicate balance where you try to get better each and every day, but where you don’t try so hard that you stretch yourself out too thin. It’s like this French cheese where you need to have a good thick layer in order to experience the full flavor. And meeting someone in a romantic way is just a small part of all this. You will meet more interesting people in general, you will come across opportunities and life will become way richer because of that. And when you have mastered the art of not forcing, you need to lean in on the ability to recognize opportunities when they come along.  

Where it comes to opportunities, I always keep this in the back of my mind: they will come by, there will be a few people who talk about it and there’s a short window where you can act on it. 

I’m not necessarily referring to the people close around you, but in order to recognize the really big opportunities you will need to go online. Follow different folks. Figure out who is real from who is not. And you will need to keep in the back of your mind that most people have not mastered the art of not forcing, so those people will not have millions of views, but it will be in the tens, the hundreds or a few thousand. And you might be one of those people, because you have it in your hands whether you will master the art of not forcing.



 

Monday, June 5, 2023

Why alone-time is hugely underrated

Let me describe a setting and a situation, and then you reply from your most honest self whether this was you in the past, and whether a part of that is still you. By nature I have never really been the most social person in the room. I was always one of the alt-kids, one of the cool kids who seemed to be into stuff that the majority didn’t really get. So back in the days that was Nirvana, Radiohead, Blink 182 and the related cool stuff like the Tom Green Show, The X-Files, The Matrix 1 and everything in between.

In high school that was all okay and cool, in college it rolled well too, and then in ‘real-life’, ‘working-life’ it takes you a while to fit in-------trial and error, until you sort of find your groove. Then when you look back at some old photos you think like I gained some, and I lost some. Initially that’s where that thought sticks, but then after a while you realize that there’s more going on and you refine the thought into something like I gained some, I lost some and I returned to some.

When I was a young kid I always felt good about myself, and that’s most of the feeling that I returned to over the years. When I was a kid I preferred to spend time either by myself, or with a few friends. That’s it. I never was one for very large groups, even though I found my way with it later on. But that’s not really what I’m getting at here. At the heart of all this is that I genuinely enjoyed spending time by myself when I was young, and over the years society somehow instilled that feeling that this is not okay.

I enjoy my alone-time. I cherish my alone time. It’s one of the parts of the day that I always look forward to, and which truly gets me to recharge my batteries. It in no way means that I do not love my family and all the other people around me, but it just means that I’m a better version of myself if I can have a chunk of alone-time to retreat, regroup and then re-engage.

There is one thing though that most people think of, when they think of alone-time-----and that is boredom. I keep on returning to my 12-year old self as a bench-mark. When you were bored as a 12-year old, what did you do? Well, sometimes I was bored, but it was always for a short while, and I would always find something to do. And I believe the same applies to most people. It’s just that boredom has this bad rep, in that you are better off doing something ‘useful’ instead of being bored.

I will admit though that unmitigated boredom is bad, and even detrimental. If you truly don’t know what to do with your time, then you are better off in any job or any activity that helps you to pass the time. I think that this is the exception, but there’s this sort of reflex that gets you to never reach that point. By engaging in social media, you never fully reach that point of boredom-------and you never reap its benefits.

That’s where it gets interesting, and where I surprise myself every time. The alone-time, the boredom, the ‘doing-nothing’ always ends up helping you to solve the bigger questions and bigger challenges in your life. If you just take one day off, partially as alone-time, partially spending time with family, partially reading up on things that you normally don’t read up on, and partly being bored. At the end of all that you will always have gained a new perspective that you simply didn’t have before.

Sunday, May 28, 2023

How to prepare for an amazing week

You must know the statement that luck favors the prepared. It’s one of my favorite statements of all time because there’s some truth in it, but it’s not a prime directive that you can use word for word. We all need a little luck from time to time, but that doesn’t mean that we should just sit around and wait for things to magically happen.

That’s why I just love that statement, because it seems to be very simple-----but when you let it sink in, it’s about much more than meets the eye. This doesn’t mean though that there are no people out there who simply believe in luck-------maybe you remember that statement of Elon Musk, where he says that he believes that most people tend to default to wishful thinking.

I will admit that it’s a nice enough thought for things to magically happen, but it’s simply not how life works. If you compare it to this statement of Stephen King, then you are really on to something. He said something to the effects of ‘success is 1% inspiration and 99% hard work’.

These are all nice starting points, and they all underline the importance of putting in the effort. Now imagine that you don’t just work hard, but that you also work smart; then you are really on to something. That’s where planning and preparation come in, which will allow you to divide your energies and to actually work smart. And this is more of a skill than anything else. I would even go so far as to state that this is a hopeful statement, because it just underlines that the playing field is much more leveled than we might initially think. In other words: if you are well prepared, great things are more likely to happen.

But it will take some time to really see the value in this. And that’s okay, because life is a journey where you pick up new knowledge and skills along the way. So I will be the first to tell you that I didn’t start out this way, but when I realized that proper planning and preparation would make a huge difference-------that’s when I was sold on the entire idea.

When I just started out in my career I was working from home at night---------every night. This was detrimental to my private life, and I even had a few failed relationships because of that. It wasn’t just the time, but it was also my overall energy that was being drained over time: I had too little off-time to recharge my batteries. Then I made this commitment: I will only work from home on Sunday-evening for 2 hours max.

This meant high intensity in a short burst of 2 hours, and it worked. I no longer needed the overtime during the week (which was also unpaid), and in return I got a lot more free time. Much later I read that this same principle isn’t just used in my profession, but that it’s also being used by people who are way higher up in the chain: the most successful people that you can think of do this as well. That’s why you should try this for yourself, because it will help you become more successful in any pursuit, at any level, at any time.

I recommend that you stick to two hours on Sunday night, because that will usually be the most of high intensity Deep Work that most of us are capable of. This is what you should do during those 2 hours:
- make a plan for the week,
- make brief notes for all the activities that you will have to do during the week (so notes for an article, notes for a presentation, notes for documents that need to be sent, etc etc.).
- And while you do this, you should consider something called NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming), where you imagine yourself in a situation, going through all the motions and in a way prep your mind for what lies ahead, as well as any obstacles and how best to deal with those.

The huge reason for sticking to those two hours has to do with urgency: because you have limited the time available for each task, you will need to move quick. To put it another way, you can’t afford for inspiration to strike. So if you’re not entirely sure on how to carry out a task-------make a few notes on what you do know, and what’s complicated about the obstacles in your way. By doing this, you will prime your mind, and when you have made a note to continue to work this out in more detail, on let’s say a Wednesday, your mind will already have been working on this in the background.

Friday, September 2, 2022

Update

So it has been like forever since I posted on my blog. 

Most of the reason for that was that at some point I didn't see how this blog could possibly evolve into something bigger. And life also sort of happened, priorities had to be shifted and I ended up with less time to spend on what I sometimes like to call the 'third-tier-pursuit'. 

Which, basically, comes down to figure out a way through all the noise, to find a niche and an audience for my works of fiction, and to, at some time, have more of our income be generated by online activities. Because, yes, I have been working still, it's just that I had a little less time to spend on all that. 

Moving forward, or at least for the next year, most of my focus will be on marketing, because, in my experience, that's really the hardest part of all this. For that I have doubled down on YouTube, approaching it sideways, and depending on how things go from there, I might give some more attention to my blog as well. 

As I see it, YouTube is really where most people are, and it's one of the few social media of which I think that it will probably still be around in ten or twenty years. I'm experimenting with a sort of impromptu format around three talking points, releasing videos every five days, at least until February.

Check the channel: 

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCKSzjNOCd5BddOR0JGAXbaA

Friday, April 30, 2021

Anti-dystopian theories: Donnie Darko and teenage angst


To some extent, the plague was a period during which we all had too much time to do too much of everything. One of the things that I spent way more time on than I usually do was reading. It didn’t seem that the number of really good articles was any more than it usually was, so it wasn’t long until I started clicking on the Random Article on longform.org and I started reading all sorts of stuff that caught my attention. 

One of those articles was an old interview about this movie Donnie Darko, about how it was made, how it was one of the first movies to hook into the 1980s nostalgia (DD was made in 2001), and why it was such a favorite for so many people at the time. I saw it back in the days, but in all honesty I don’t remember that much of it beyond this notion that it was pretty good.

I remember the guy in the rabbit suit and that it was kind of lame, but most of all that the story felt visceral to an extent that’s hard to put into words. It was ‘what it was like’ and by that I mean that whole teenage-angst-what’s-out-there-sort-of-thing-and-no-one-understands-it. It also had the 90s written all over it, with a soundtrack that was sideways inspired by a sort of mix between Nirvana and Radiohead.


Then the rewatch

Back in the day I had it on dvd, but it must have gotten lost somewhere along the way. So I googled for a site to watch it for free. What I was after was to get an idea of what it was exactly that I had felt back then, to figure out why the story worked and where it fell short.

What I expected before sitting down was a certain energy, but also a good deal of loose ends. I expected some ideas to be there, but without the ‘heft’ to really get it across (if that makes sense).

I can tell you this much: the bunny is still lame and it still doesn’t add anything to the story. The characters don’t seem overly fleshed out, but that’s also besides the point, because as a teen you don’t really have an eye for the big picture anyway (you are too busy with yourself). The fictional work of non-fiction on time-travel is over-reaching, and it ultimately doesn’t state or add anything to the story, because it doesn’t clarify much. It just makes the whole notion of time-travel even more vague and ‘out there’. 


But at the same time: it’s still a great movie. 

When I was in my late teens it really felt like it was an iteration of ‘everything’, and at the risk of over-intellectualizing: it’s not just that this movie works because it maintained that fine balance between what’s said and left unsaid, or that it works mostly on a visceral level. It’s that, but it’s also something more: it’s anti-dystopian, even though a plane engine crashes through the main character’s house and he dies at the end. 

Those two tragic events are both over the top, but they hook into one of the main projects of our teen years: finding a way to accept that ultimate fate that life will end at some point in time, mixed with a notion of the possibility of an after-life.

At heart it’s all about teenage-angst and how you really don’t know what you really want out of life, while there’s basically one big shit-storm going on around you. And this is exactly where this story becomes anti-dystopian, because at that age it feels like the world will never end (even though you might be into groom, grunge and darkness). And in that whole ‘notion’ there’s this idea in some weird and twisted way that everything will work out in ‘some way’, even though we have zero idea of what and how and all that. 

Now the big question is: do we ever really know that? Do we ever really know anything? Or is just believing enough? The kind of belief of some bright or gloomy far off future that must be somewhere over the horizon, or at least at the far end of the night. 

Anyway, the movie didn’t suck as bad as I thought it would on a second viewing. You should check it out if you never had the pleasure, or when it has been a good while.


Key points

- Donnie Darko is both 1980s nostalgia and teenage-angst incorporated.

- 25 is a time of understanding jack-shit, and a time of loose ends.

- Donnie Darko works because it’s anti-dystopian, because it’s ultimately a story of hope in that ‘everything works out in the end’.


Continue reading

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