I have been in my current profession for over 10 years; I have been working for the same employer for almost eight and I have this feeling that I hit the ceiling. Sound familiar? Even if the length of employment isn’t the same for you, there might a similarity of being in more or less the same line of work for an extended period of time. So what should you do?
Let me tell you what I’m planning to do, and maybe that can serve as some sort of example. What I’m doing right now is more on a meta-level and that’s what most of this article is about (the process, the shifting gears, but not much of the specifics). I’m contemplating a move, I’m in the process of devising a strategy and I have it more or less figured out how I’m going to get there.
It’s just that this is one that isn’t for the short-term, this one slides on to the long run: I have been in the process of preparing for the last two years. The thing is just that the dynamic isn’t the same as it was five or ten years ago. Back then I was willing to break things off and start with a clean slate someplace new. I mean, I’m willing to do this, but just not in the same way… In the back of my mind I have this notion that there needs to be some sort of continuation, some sort of flow, some sort of narrative that needs to go on… Am I making sense?
I’m making steps, so if this story is about anything, then it’s about you and me being in this process together. I took my time though, and I already have some ideas. You might not be there as yet, and that’s okay. That’s why I believe that I have something to tell you that’s worth your time. Are you ready?
What’s special about the mid 30s
The mid 30s are a whole different dynamic than anything that came before. If you look online there’s advise that’s geared towards the entire decade, but being in it I can tell you that there’s more to those ten years than just advise that can be summed up for the entire decade. So what’s the substance that keeps it all together?
On the one hand I have an increased mental and intellectual acuity, because I notice that my energies are different. I can get much more work done that requires higher level thinking and the kind of grand overview that I simply didn’t have five or ten years ago.
I have more heft, more peace of mind, but I don’t pull it off to go for a jog or any other high intensity work-out on a daily basis. But when I go and work-out, I do so with higher intensity, and I take one or two days to rest. Maybe it was metaphorical as well, maybe before I was running from things, and maybe the simple fact is that you can only go running for so long.
In my mid-30s I have myself more or less sorted out, and maybe in large part that is due to the fact that I have come to terms with my own limitations. Working out and sports are still my pastime of choice to blow off steam, but I did move some things around. Two years ago I started doing calisthenics, with one weekly cardio-workout. It literally gives me more strength.
Something else that has shifted is that whole notion of prosperity and posterity, which sounds more dramatic than I intend to, but it gets the message across (in that it carries the load). We all know that it’s very likely that we will have less wealth than generations that went before us. On a side-note: that might be a notion that’s subject to change, based on how it all unfolds in the coming five years. Will the recession spin into a full blown depression, and if so, will there be some sort of New Deal?
One of the things that our generation (the millennials) struggle with is that notion of the house and the home, or the house as the home. The corona pandemic might end up changing this one around, but the general take is that our generation never really wanted to settle down, never really wanted to commit. But then it’s there; that whole tendency of on some level wanting just that, but don’t wanting to commit. It’s kind of an impossibility.
There’s that old notion of freedom of the existentialists; that you can only exercise your freedom by limiting yourself. And if you mix it with some kind of warped nihilism, you might say that non-commitment is a sort of commitment, which is a sort of limiting, and well, it paints its own picture….
How you would get started in your 20s
There’s that statement that it’s okay to be broke in your twenties, and that it no longer applies when you’re past 30. Or the other one, that’s it’s ok to be living paycheck to paycheck in your 20s. It’s the ultimate non-commitment, the idea of flexibility, and the notion of only sticking around as long as it’s fun.
If there’s one song that sums up this whole feeling, then it’s Won’t be long by one of my favorite bands of back in the days, The Hives. On a side-note, they kind of slowed down over the last few years. In July of last year (2019) they released their latest track; the beat is right on the spot, the energy is really where it’s at, but the lyrics suck: it’s an attempt at some sort of teen-spirit, but they miss by about a million miles (what they’re aiming at are the teens that we were, foregoing current teens, and that our notion of what it was like to be teens back then has evolved into something ---- grander. I believe we want to be good samaritans, because we want to be part of something larger, because we have this basic human tendency of wanting to do the right thing, because we want to believe in the basic goodness of humanity, and well, I could go on….). The song is title Good Samaritan, in case you’re interested….
Won’t be long is the better song, because it’s basically that whole notion that we only stick around for so long. In my mind it’s not about non-commitment, but it’s about only wanting to fight the big fights as long as it seems that it’s something that’s worth fighting for. Then there’s also the other dimension that links it right up with what it’s like to be growing up in a rural place, and that’s where it lines up with the kids from that great Stephen King novel IT, which more than anything is about what it’s like to grow up in some small far off place where our imaginations start running wild.
Still, I would say that Won’t be long is partly 20s, but it’s also something that applies to our 30s, because it never makes sense to be fighting a loosing fight, or staying on a sinking ship.
The city that they sing about is obviously also a metaphor for other large human constructs that tend to wear us down, be they jobs, relationships, habitats, bad habits, addictions and all that. And whole notion in itself just gives this song that depth and reach that just blows everything away….
How you should get started in your mid 30s
If not that, then what? Plot and scheme, that’s where I would start, and that’s where I started. In the face of current events, this is even better advise, because if you have steady employment you should definitely be practical as well: you need money to pay the bills.
While doing that, you should take your time to plot your next move, because by now you should know that all good things take time. It’s time to do some soul-searching, it’s time to make some insightful observations, and maybe try to worry a little less about what other people might think about this or that.
What I personally have always been a little envious of is that for almost as long as I can remember, that I never was the kind of person who was obsessed about something that would keep me up day and night. A few years ago I realized that this one has more to do with me not accepting my limitations, and the very simple fact that I am my own person.
By profession I’m an educator and when I started out I was advised to visit other educators in action to observe how they went about their business. It ended up to be the worst advise ever (besides that notion to make things fun all the time). The reason this is bad advise, is because teaching is highly individual, you build a professional relationship, utilizing your personality and quirks ---- which is uniquely you.
Of course there are a few habits that I copied and that I still employ, but you get the picture. The same applies to that notion of me as never having had a real obsession. It is there, it always was there, it’s just that it never was the kind that would be portrayed in movies. Real people just live differently, and for example sleep 7 hours on most nights, right?
You should still look around though, and maybe look closer than you’d think. Who is more like you than anyone else? That’s right: your family, and this one is so simple that you will be like, really? Maybe, what works for them, might work for you, because the very simple fact is that more likely than not, you do share some very specific core characteristics.
Before we move on to the next part, I have to tell you about the best novel that I read in 2019. This one is about a person who is obsessed, who went deep down the rabbit hole, who lost himself, and was in the process of crawling out. It was 700 pages and I read it in three days. It pulled me in like very few works of fiction ever did, because it was great art, and even though it was a little too artsy in places for my taste, the story that was told in the footnotes was an account of what it’s actually like to go so deep that you’re crushing and obliterating the bottom of the pit.
What this work does most of all, is that it gives an account of what it’s like to go off the deep end, and by that I mean way off. It’s a stream of consciousness that only makes sense when it’s consumed in an obsessive streak. This great work is titled House of Leaves and if it does anything, it transports you to a different place, and it will help you to look just a little different at the world around us. That’s what change, and really, any change comes down to: getting different perspectives to look at the same problem.
Won’t be long and House of Leaves are just two cultural expressions that do more than just entertain: they help us understand ourselves and the world around us. To put it in terms of psychology: these works change our perspectives and by doing so they make us more complex; the baseline idea is that self-complexity builds the kind of resilience that will cause us to be able to carry on in the face of adversity.
Because, let’s face it, in our 30s our lives are less about ourselves, and we have spouses, kids, family, close friends who depend on us as well. That’s why it’s essential to have that strength and peace of mind, and also the practical side of that: stability. And part of that stability is the very simple fact that you need a steady cash flow. So yes, if you’re stuck in your career, you owe it to yourself and those around you to explore different options, because in the end a better job will help you to thrive.
But at the same time, you shouldn’t make an erratic move without having made a long-term plan and strategies in place. Especially in these days, with a recession and high unemployment. If you have a steady job, you might just consider sticking with it for a few more years, while preparing a move for when things turn around.
In summary
Of course I’m just scratching the surface here, but still it makes sense to sum things up:
- mid 30s are a whole different dynamic with more mental acuity for more complex tasks.
- mid 30s are a time to plan ahead in the long-term.
- gaining different perspectives builds self-complexity and resilience in the face of adversity.
- mid 30s are no longer just about ourselves, but there might be spouses, kids, family and good friends to consider.
- don’t make an erratic move, but prepare for the long-term by soul-searching and figuring out what works for those that are most like us (our families).
- aim to realize what you have always dreamed of doing, but always thought you couldn’t do. With greater mental acuity and a larger perspective, that will come easier.
This should at least be something to get you started.
If you want more of this: check out my series Gaze wide, aim far.
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