What makes a man (or a woman): how to deal with procrastination

“What makes a man Mr. Lebowski,” the old geezer in the wheelchair asked, “Is it to do whatever it takes? Is it to succeed against all odds? Is it to go the extra mile?”
“That, yes,” the Dude said, leaning into a pun, “That and a pair of testicles.”

I wasn’t exactly going for precision here, but you get the point, right. And hopefully you get which movie this line is from. The question is one that we should ask ourselves every now and then, and in this case it’s What makes a man? Sometimes the answer is surprisingly simple, and in its simplicity it makes total sense: a man gets things done. 

In itself an answer this simple is a bit disappointing, because you’d expect great things like warriors, pioneers, and adventurers and all that stuff that links to these histories when life was rough, violent and short, and ---- to these rugged ideas of manhood. Bar fights, saloons, lone warriors and all that good stuff. But no, just this: a man gets things done. And in all of this, man applies to women as well (obviously).

But the simplicity of this whole statement doesn’t cut close to one of the issues that most of us deal with, a lot of the time. How to deal with procrastination. And this one that we all fall into every now and then, when it’s early in the morning, it’s cold outside and you feel like staying in and doing nothing and everything. And before you know it, you have spend the day watching YouTube, playing video games watching movies and all that stuff. Which is good from time to time, but which isn’t the stuff that careers are build on. 

Then the other side is there as well, where you become so obsessed that whatever you do has become a compulsion that you spend every waking minute on. Even though, on a side-note, if you look at highly successful individuals, they usually spend an insane number of hours on what they do, and part of that hard work has contributed to their success.

So what you should aim at, more or less, is somewhere in the middle, that spot where you’re ambitious, where you get things done, but where you also make time for your family. Balance and all those things. To some degree you might say that there might be a woman that keeps you in check, live in some far off place without too many temptations, parenthood that shifts priorities, and all such things. But all this kind of revolves around that notion of what comes first: will you find a good partner and then get your act together, or is it the other way around?

I guess you know by now what I’m all about, and which comes first in my book: sorting yourself out is the best advise at any given time, because that will help you figure out what you’re made of, what you’re capable of doing, and all such things that ultimately give you a very fine view of what you want out of life. 

This want might be very essential, because that implies that you have a greater part in all of it than ‘circumstances that just happened to you’, and it gives you a clear indication of where to start. And just make sure that I spell it out so that there’s no miscommunication: anywhere. Of course it’s always good to read up on strategies such as in articles like these, but you should definitely check youtube and all that to get yourself all riled up and ready for action. 

Then your strategy becomes this: just get started. At first it doesn’t matter that much where you start. Just compare it to doing the dishes or mowing the lawn: cups first, plates first, utensils first? It doesn't really matter. At first it’s more about the habit of getting started, and then the rest will follow easily. It’s said that if you do something for 7 times, then the 8th time it has become a habit. 

And a habit is exactly what will pull you through when you feel yourself getting lazy, when you want to stay in bed, when you want to stay in for the day, and all that stuff. Creating a habit is the most important thing that you can create after you put yourself out there to just get started. 

Then when you’re in the habit you should do some definite soul-searching. Start close to home; start by figuring out why your family members and close friends ended up in the careers that they did. More often than not you will share character, temperament and interests, which will go a long way of lining you up for a certain career. I wrote about this at length in the first installment of Gaze wide, aim far, but I just wanted to put it out there, because it’s a definite and an early step in establishing a new direction in life. 

Of course there are all kinds of micro-management tricks from thereon. For example, the two-minute rule (something that takes less than two minutes should be done right away), using a timer during which you will work on nothing but your new career, dedicating a specific place in your home where you will always sit to work towards your new career, arranging with your family or other people that you’re in proximity that you will not be disturbed during that time, connecting with other folks that are in a similar process, or preferably one or a few steps ahead. 

Beyond that I don’t want to overwhelm you, because any new beginning will be hard at first, but as with everything, after that it will become much easier. Just get started would be the take-home message. 

In summary:
- a real man (/a real woman): he or she gets things done.
- the solution to procrastination is in balancing things out, and avoiding the other end (obsession).
- sort yourself out before engaging in a new path, be it a career or a long-term relationship.
- just get started, and start by building the habit of just getting started.
- after the 7th time, something has become a habit.
- start close at home by figuring out which professions run among your family and friends.
- consider micro-management after that.

Continue reading:

Self-improvement retreats: determination to succeed
On deliberate activity and relaxation to get new perspectives to succeed.



Living autobiographically: how to use narrative identity
On writing the story of our lives in such a way that we can live with ourselves.



Choose another path: how to identify opportunities in life
On figuring out what you're made of and when to seize opportunity.