Let’s start with the good stuff, because there definitely is that element of my life having move forward in ways that I could never have imagined. There is the wife, the kids, the house, two cars and a life of luxury that I would never have imagined.
It is after all most of the reason why I stayed for so long. Initially my plan was to just live abroad for 3 years, and then to return home. Then I settled in, three years became five, then ten, and now at twelve years I both make up the score and have like this grand view that I never imagined that I would have had before.
A year ago I made a very serious effort to return home, but despite what everyone tells you about the job market (jobs everywhere!) there is this gnarly part that no one discusses. There is the part of wages being pretty much what they were about 10+ years ago, but what has gone through the roof is cost of living. But this is what I want to end with, so more on that later.
The one big thing that living abroad for so long has gotten me is perspective. I literally removed myself from one culture and implanted myself in a culture that’s in many ways very different. There is this little psychological mechanism that we tend to prefer what we are exposed to, and I think that all the ins and outs of the culture that we grew up in are just some of the areas where this applies.
And I think that the effect of this most of all is that I believe that it has made me more “aware”, for lack of a better term. So for example, when I went into college the going was to just “do something you like”. Which in itself is solid advise, but what it completely misses is the very practical effect of making enough to live comfortably.
So for the first five years of my working live, I lived in derelict buildings that were designated “below current standards”. I didn’t have a car, because I couldn’t afford one. I had no savings, and most notably I lived paycheck to paycheck. And I without a doubt believed that this was normal, because everyone I knew went through the same thing.
And this became one of the big differences when I moved abroad: I continued living like I did (well below my means), and I ended up being able to build a decent living. Had I stayed at home, this would not have happened, or at least not to this extent.
But this only happened because I “stuck it out”, because there were those bouts of feeling homesick that all expats go through. It comes in waves that get smaller over time. I thought they would disappear over time, but I figured out that they don’t.
The easy thing would be to give in to those “waves” when they come, and that’s what I have seen frequently over the years. But that’s not how life works. Live is about doing the hard things, because that’s ultimately the only thing that makes a difference. It’s the easy that is sometimes cringe, but the hard things always have this vibe of “but at least I tried”.
And that’s also why living abroad has allowed me to explore my moon-shots. These are the big ambitious projects that will only pay off in the future, if they pay off. Sometimes my wife likes me to spend more time with her, but I always tell her that “at least I’m not wasting away doing nothing”. She buys into it a bit, but totally get that she doesn’t see the pay-off as yet.
But those moon-shots are really essential towards doubling down on something that’s really hard. I figured out pretty quick that I don’t want that in my job, because then it quickly becomes a burden. A job should be a challenge and give some fulfillment, but it shouldn’t be a major fulfillment.
The “major fulfillment” is more about the important stuff, like the family that you build and also about the moon-shot that you can pour a lot of time, effort and energy into. Just to give you an idea: I spent a few years “getting into psychology/philosophy, taking courses”, I spent five years learning to “write like Stephen King” and I published 5 novels, I spend 2 years getting into YouTube, and my current moon-shot is to start something online that has “a larger impact on humanity”.
I’m still in the figuring out the process. At first I thought that it would all depend on digital marketing, but I’m starting to realize that it’s way more nuanced than just that. I believe that it’s going to depend on gathering a whole lot of “data-points” that will give an indication of “what works”. But it’s also about balance, because there has to be that element of just creating something that I fully believe in.
My best case scenario long-term: the “data-points” allow me to make “something that people want”, freeing up bandwidth (and a percentage of my audience) towards what I really want to do long-term, which is to expand my fictional universe and to continue writing.
And that brings me back to my “general feeling” and conclusion way in the beginning. About two years ago I was struck by this profound wave of feeling home-sick, so I started exploring job opportunities back home. That’s when I realized that we are in a recession, even though there are a lot of job openings. Wages have stayed so far behind with the cost of living that the financial step back would be a huge financial sacrifice.
Now before you write me off: “this dude is just complaining about living the life in paradise”. I’m just being real, and if you would put yourself in my shoes then you might have made the same decision. It’s the difference between letting my kids grow up in wealth and abundance, versus stress and struggle. And putting it like that makes it very obvious that going back home simply isn’t an option at this point in time.
And yes, moving forward in life always depends on “re-inventing yourself”. And yes, sometimes you have to be willing to put things on the line. But also, you have to be practical, and there will have to be enough indicators that what your moving towards is a pivot and not a nose-dive.
So these in so many words are the three things that living abroad has gotten me: 1) a comfortable life, 2) the grit to make the hard choice, and 3) time to explore moon-shots.
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