I always thought that leading wasn’t for me. But that was until I realized that we all need to lead in some capacity. Most of us shy away from leadership, because we believe that it something that we can’t do, or don’t have to do. But this is wrong. It is essential in our universal quest for reputation and power. Here is the secret: it’s more of a skill than you think.
When I was younger I always thought that leadership was simply the same as being “dominant”. And of course, there is that leadership-style, and there situations where it may not just work, but where it is required. Which is not most situations, and maybe that’s why it never really clicked with me.
If you have read any of my posts, then you may know that I’m the sort of person who likes think in terms of strategies. Most of my “professional life” is what I like to approach as a game, and I prefer it to be the sort where cunning and strategy is what will make me excel at this game.
To some (an outsider) it may seem that I’m being lazy, but that’s not my intent. I learned early on in my career that I shouldn’t try to find “satisfaction” in my job, but that it’s way more effective to look for satisfaction in other areas of my life. So that’s family-life, friends, but also my version of the “life of the mind”, or what I like to refer to as my “moon-shots”.
So what I always try to do in my professional life is to get maximum results with the least amount of mental energy, effort and time. Once this clicked, that this is what works for me, there was no going back. At that time, it wasn’t just that the job became more of a job (if that makes sense), but I actually became way better. I made it less “emotional”, and maybe because of that I became more effective (which isn’t to say that emotions weren’t involved, because they should be in anything worthwhile).
What I discovered after a few years is that being “dominant” isn’t just “not me”, but that it’s also not effective. What is effective is leaning into two things: clarity and predictability. This is what people crave more than anything, because it’s tied in to one of the most basic human needs: safety.
The key difference here is that “safety” isn’t actionable, I mean, how do you “do” safety? “Clarity” and “predictability” on the other hand are, because it’s do-able to figure out a system.
Clarity is all about communication. It’s about being understood. So this means: easy words, shorts sentences, simple structure, stories from a to b, clear articulation, double checking whether you are being understood, clear eye contact, and being fully present.
Predictability is all about rituals. This is what builds culture, and what creates strong groups. This is more personal, but it may mean always starting with a few warm welcome words, stating objectives, setting clearly defined goals, setting time-limits, starting meetings with a drum roll or some sort of one-liner, catch-phrase or jingle.
Once your focus is on these two areas, the rest sort of happens by itself. The reason here is that you have given people what they want, and you are sort of tied in to this. So by sticking to this, you are the one who is orchestrating this, and without stating anything, this puts you in control.
And after this where all the bigger stuff comes into play, such as leading by example, defining norms, incorporating a sense of humor, adding your own style and all that good stuff. The one thing that you shouldn’t do is to ask people “what they want” or “what works for them”. This is mistake that many make, and it never works.
There is a place for this, but it isn’t a group setting. And this is one of the things that I also figured out by trial and error, but starting these sorts of discussions (“what do you want”) will be endless. And what happens is that it undermines your leadership, because instead of you providing clarity and predictability, you are giving these powerful tools away. And if you are unlucky there will be an individual in the group that you have before you who can sort of smell your “weakness”.
And this is maybe the one thing that ties it all together. We are way more “primal” than we like to admit. By posting the question “what do you want”, you indirectly communicate that “you don’t know” (uncertainty, not safety) and this can never be a line that is used in leadership. This will be perceived as weakness, and this is the surest way to undermine not just your authority, but something worse: it will erode your reputation.
And guess what the individual will do who smells “weakness”: they will lean into clarity and predictability. This is exactly what Machiavelli means when he talks about taking over the reign by “killing the king”: you keep things as they are, with clarity and predictability, and then over time you can adjust here and there if needed.
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