When it is time to walk away.

One of the most under-rated words in any language is the word “no”, because it provides perfect clarity that you will stop doing something. It’s the declaration that you will walk away.

Now it doesn’t so much mean that you will leave a hole in your life (well, maybe just a little bit..). In the long run it means that you will change course, and that you will continue with something else that will give you the excitement that you need to stay interested.

I always thought that the situations to say “no” were the “screaming in your face instances” where it is obvious without a doubt that not changing course would lead to severe loss or harm. But over the years I have come to realize that this was the wrong assumption.

If you’re in a job that you don’t like, or if you’re in a relationship that goes nowhere, or if you live in a town that hasn’t much to offer. Then it’s very easy to say “no”, and when you look back you will always think the same: I should have done this way sooner.

But what about the situations where things are not great, but they are not terribly bad either. Let’s say that you have settled for a job, where you have reached a plateau and where you earn enough to live comfortably. There is no harm in not changing course, but you are not exactly making progress either. How do you decide in such a situation to say “no”?

I really think that these are the more tricky situations, and in a way they are like a bad movie. It’s not so bad that you stop watching, but there isn’t much surprise and excitement, and the ending falls completely flat. It’s the entertainment that’s “just good enough”, and that seems a very poor way to live your life by.

And you might just say like, “well, that’s part of life”, or, “a part of life is just to settle for something”. (and let this sink in….!). Really!?

And I’m no exception, because I’m square in the middle of it. But what made me decide to go along with this was the very simple fact that not saying “no” provides maximum financial security for my family.

But I fully realize that this isn’t much of a reason not to say “no”. And maybe there is something to it to just simplify situations like these into something like this: “if it’s not a yesyesyes!, then it’s time to say no”.

I really think there is something there, and it made me think about the ways to execute “no”. I always thought that “no” has to be a radical act, but I realized that it might just as well be a slow burn.

If you are working towards turning things around, while sticking with the old for just a while longer. That’s what I would call a “slow burn no”. It may turn into a “radical no” when it’s time to actually take the leap, but until then: slow and steady is the way to go.

The most obvious “no” is of course your day-job, a little less obvious are where you live, or who you associate with. The least obvious, and maybe the hardst “no” is that of your “moon-shot”, because by definition that’s something that is extremely hard, so it also makes it extremely hard to figure out whether you are getting ahead.

And this is what I figured out over the years: I have become quicker to say “no” in case of “moon-shots”, and I wish I had done so sooner. In all other cases, my “no” is more of a slow-burn, until it’s time to get radical.